obligatory post RIP tony soprano

i couldnt believe he dieddd a few days agoo it really made me sad because i watched all the seasons last year and they were so intense and so great and he was an incredible actor, its really sad he died so young, i mean i know he was overweight but still 51 is still so young!! and he was in italyy!! i kinda wanna rewatch the seriess, you all should too! its unlike any others but yes its not for minors thats for sure, really intense!

i thinks its cool

there is a place on the beach front that is like a kiosk sponsored by the television company so they have a giant flatscreen thats always showing the Globo channel and with cool little stools to sit on to watch whatever is on so i stopped for a bit and watched the end of Amor a vida, the novela thats #1 right now, it was fun! :D

oh hey remember

remember that time when i high fived some guy that was on the bus next to mine that one time when our buses got super close well it happened again i never thought it would but this time it was more epic cuz i shook the hand of the bus driver of the other buss hahaaha it was great, he was really nice and shook it and smiled! :) obviii he was a good looking one or else i wouldnt have made the effort. duh.

best bus ride everrr

okay so i was in line to get on the bus and there was this hot white kid in front of me so i was like yessss scooooreeee hottie on da busss, so i sit down and he sits in the seat in front of me and yeah it was hot today, foe real and like out of nowhere papi takes his shirt off to tan by the window and i was likeeeeee YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS lemme get sum of dat for reallll and then i was putting on some sunscreen on my leg for my burn (yes its still there and i have to always put sun protector on it oh well) and THEN I WASS LIKE omgggg what if i volunteered to put some on his backkkk right nowww yOLo one week left omg noo im not that wild but yesss omg i wanted tooooo but then he got up and i almost had an out of body experience his body was PURRRFECTTTT and hiss calvin klein boxers were showingggggg i love when the labels of mens underwear showwww! especially and actually only when theyre designer ♥ ;)

shit happens

yeah i stepped on pooop tonight you know what it happens, i washed my shoe and now its over. maybe its good luck? i was like daaaa fuqqqq is dat smeellllllllll right nowwww, dat is not what my body odor smells like dat is fooeee shooooo and surely i pick up my shoeeee and it was in fact poop! eeeek hopefully it was dog poop and not any other species'

orange mooon

nooooo i dont mess with creepy orange moooooooooons especially the one tonight was really low and HUGEEEEEEE ginourmous like a giant orange ball of cheddar cheeese or sumthing it creeped me out i told some random guy on the street look at the moon omggg, hahahah omg just as i wrote that last part i had initially wrote look at the money instead ahahahaha omgggg obviously i got my mind on my money, money on my mindddd $$$$$$$$$$$$$ but yea i dont mess with dem creepy moonsss go away. yeah it did after a while it went back to being a normal moon THANK YOUUUU i actually think it heard me.

omg trollin the statuee

haha ok so near like post 5 in copa there is a statue of a little old man sittin on a bench and he's sittin with his legs crossed and his hands on his lap and omg i stopped and sat on the bench next to the statue and kept that same pose for like 10 minutes straight without moving listening to my ipod while people just watched. you know what they shoulda paid me like they pay those people to paint themselves and stay frozen for money on the streets!! damnnn itttt, dat could been my bus money!

OMG BOBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

omg omg omg omg i just saw boba come up on my tumblr omg omg omg i miss it so much i cant even expresss yes yes i neeeeed to just drink boba all day for a week straight and then just go to the gym, wake up, drink boba, work out, drink boba, work out, sleeep and repeat repeat THAI MILK TEA WITH BOBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GET AT MEEEE.

diet changes

so being here for so long ive adapted to the way people eat their meals here. i have a big lunch and really only have a little snack as dinner. its actually better that way, you dont wanna be feeling so full and heavy too late in the day, it weighs you down. hopefully i can maintain this once i get back to the states!! :D

chinese food

after having so much chinese food for 10 days straight in china i didnt have it for an entire year but now that ive not had it in like almost a year i really want it now that i think about what i really wanna binge on upon my return. yes and bomb ass chow meiinnnnnnnn and i wanna read my fortune!!!!!!! yayyy excitedddddd for dat panda express no actually i dont go there there are better places in La Habra.

yeah ive preetty much have had it

with white rice and black beans like these people seriously dont have anything else for their meals, i dont wanna have black beans ever again. seriously im all bout dem pintos.

1 week

7 days are you kidding me , in a week ill be lighting up that 4th of july bbq back home in the USA?!!!!! where did the time go, Rio you took 6 months of my life!!! omg there are so many things i still have to do!!! @#O@*U$O@O#U@*$&***!!!

one time there was

a crazy hoe that decided to run from post 5 to post 12 nonstop. insane omg, please knees dont be dead tmrrow.

victor valdes you're a jerk off

seriously i hate you like you didnt have to act like a bratty snob ok i know you were on your phone but you didnt have to show me your finger with that ugly little face of yours whatever I got Casillas' photo insteadddd suck it #2

dont accept drinks from hoookers

especially when theyre acting like theyre on crack and going buckwild going from table to table trying to talk to you when u clearly arent interested in talking to them i wish i had a spray bottle like when u spray a dog to calm off and stuff like why would i want to drink from your cup lady lol i even told her like i dont know what it is your drinkin ladyyyy

2 weeks left

where did the time go? is this a joke? what did i even do this whole time? where else do i go next? when you're almost there and you're almost home, just open up your eyes and go...

my time in rio has been fulfilled.

i came to brazil who knows for what reason but it obviously was to meet the entire Spanish national team and omg i died i cant still breathe, best moment of my life, thank you Brazil for bringing them to me, what wasw impossible everywhere else.

delete delete delete

new lifeeeeeeeee perspective: if you're not hot on facebook and i dont really talk to you im deleting you. bye. so just be more good looking.

workiiinnn ittttt

hey its 9pm and my brazilian grannny is rockinnnn her red sunglasses inside the house while she watches her novelaaaaaaa. im liking the looook, 84 & STILL FIERCEEEEE.

nope im not eating that ssorry

okay bananas can be lovely and fish is good why not especially if its fried but not the two mixed together like wtf were u thinkinggggggg!!! today at home they made this casserole with fried fish and this cheesy creammy sauceeee topped with bananaas on top and i almost puked just looking at it. so i was just like can you just steam some fish for me thatd be greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeattt.

mandatory supermarket related post

okay so there is this like supermarket phenomenon that goes on here and its wild and what not so there are about like 10 different supermarket companies and what not but the cheapest one here is called Mundial and it is the worstttt experience everr in the worldddddd it is actually haunting and daunting the second u step in!! it is a madhouse in there people can barely move through the aisles and the lines are horrendously long like it takes an hour to get through to the register and people are just ratch i justtt cant believe how much people go through to save a few cents its like a nightmare in there like that creeepy alfred hitchcock music plays in the background ERRRR ERRR ERRR EEE EEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *SCREAMSSSSSSS**** yeah just like that i used to go a bit but then i went to the other ones and told myself why the heck would i put myself through that again if i actually had an option! hoooooooo just writing about it gives me the creeeeps. Its like a Northgate type but 23948 times worse! Northgate is where all the mexicans go to buy their groceries in LA. hahaa i miss northgateeeeee and the tamale lady in the parking lotttt! ok byezz.

granny diary post 18322093829

So my lil granny she's funny sometimes she gets jealous of when me and the maid talk and talk together and she just stays in the living room watching her novelas and today she got all attitudeyyy and comes in and interrupts us and asks the maid, IS THERE ANY SOUP LEFT FROM YESTERDAY? so my maid was like no no i didnt know you wanted me to make more for tonight and she was like yeah its fine whatever kind of response and so then my maid offered to make some for her right then and there and she was like nahhh i dont want any whatever im going next door with Iza (her old lady bff) and like stormed out and shut the door. My response is like all you do is what ur novelas so we cant really talk to you because you always get mad and dont let us talk to you while you're watchin your show! okay likee so dont gimme that attitude granny uh uh!

Life's answers from a 3 yr old

So my host grandma's great-grand-daughter woah that was a mouthful came over to play for a bit and she is the cutest little baby ever with the cutest little curly hairrrrr and is in capoeira classes yeah that weird ass brasilian freak fighting dance that i still dont get but anyways she was all dressed in white with her little rope belt and she demonstrated for us and i almost died, aww baby AnaLuisaaa imma miss youuu soo muchhhhh <3 But back to the title of the post,,, she basically summed up where rain came from and why. Rain comes from the sky because God is washing his car. LIFE CHANGING.

Rio dont do that why would that be a good idea

Okay i dont know who the heck's big idea was naming this particular street after a cockroach and NOT expect for there to be so many cockroaches around this area, like they just never die, baby cockroaches here and there and then GIANT ones in the streets almost stepped on one and eeeekkk, yeahhh whoever named that street cursed Copacabana,,, Barata Ribeiro i cant avoid you even if i tried cuz thats where my busstop is at! Like who the hell likes cockroaaches to freakin name a street of all things name the street after ME cause ive been the best thing to come to RIO OBVIOOOUSLY.

not workin for yaaa

FACT: the crypt keeper goes to my gym, poor lady. but i salute you for going to the gym at your age, did they have gyms back in the day, i wanted to ask her.

hideee and seeek brasil vol. 2

ohhh hahaazz mondays are the best because my old lady leaves for the whole afternoon to go volunteer at like a food kitchen so i get to partyy ittt uppp in this lil snazzyyy apartment in copaaacabanzaaaaaaaaaazzzz and do my thing and if i ever hear her about to leavee i wait in my room till i hear that she's left the dooor and then i bust out and do a little party dance in the living room like its the bestttt. lol the things i do to avoid interaction idk no i just get shy in the morning cuz i look like the lockness monster coming out of a lake.

i dont have any winter clothes!!!

but on the real though i only brought hootchie clothing out here cuz yeah its brazil its summer all year long like la la la beaches sun bitches sunn more nooo shut up i dont have any cold clothing so like im tryin to go to argentina and its ACTUALLY COLD there right nowww likeeeee uhhh i neeeed to go buy winter clothesss so i dont fricken dieee, what is coldddd really omggg its gonna be like bay weather which i forgot what its even like anymoreee. so i went to go buy a scarf lolz at the store i need to go back for a turtle neck or sumthing. but yay for argentina!

hide and seeek brasillll old lady version

okay so i always stay up really late and my old lady always gets up several times to go peee during the night and i always try avoiding her from seeing me so sometimes i hide if i hear her coming out of bed and go into the hallway before the kitchen and just wait and then i dont like her knowing im still up hiding in the living room so i always close my room door so she thinks im sleeping cuz one time the door was open and she looked that no one was in there and she made some weird face and i tried keeping still so she wouldnt look around to find me pretending to be a statue, like omgggg granny dont see meeeee!

uh...

sometimes i get creeped out when my old lady starts speaking in her sleeep im likee AHHHHHHH stopp what are u saying i dont understand what ur tryin to say!! something about your hootchie daughter, thats all i could understand.

sorry im not sorry

yeah okay you might think you're a hot trainer and what not at the gym but i cant take you seriously if you fricken ride a mo-ped home, yeah those retarded motor bikes uhh nooo you lost all your swaggggg, even though u did have nice nikes...

hey you

yeah you, thanks for taking the time to read my blog, much love <3 you all are beautifullzzzzz

oh and can someone please

get me some cottage cheese for my bowels, or plain greek yogurt with honey. i love that stuff. i miss american yogurt and milk too, i just cant handle milk sold in a box thats never in the refrigerated section of a store. like wut no thats probably why this country is lacking everything.

JUST DID IT

AND JUST LIKE THAT I BOOKED MY FLIGHT BACK TO THE UNITED STATES OF MERICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. i cant believe its almost over, literally a little over a month and then ill be putting an end to this crazy magical and salty journey here in Brazil. Im literally gonna play Diddy's song COMING HOME for like a whole week straighttt, im filled with mixed emotions man, oh my goshh, what the heck happpeeneedddd. 6 months out the fricken window! Rio to HOTlanta, then to LA. Wow wow wow wow. And i never got that Brazilian D! hahaha lol whatevvsssss. Argentina and Uruguay on the schedule before though!

COLD & WET

Sometimes you just need to throw on your sweater, grab your ipod and go out into the cold and rainy Rio night and walk for 2 hours to clear your mind and let the rain wash off whatever thoughts are bugging you. its amazing how therapeutic walks can be. looking out into the dark sea with the rain sprinkling on your face while you walk the empty streets along the beach. i think this was the coldest night in Rio in the 5 months, and it definitely brought back the feeling of being in the bay. funny how i had forgotten what cold even felt like. let the rain fall down, im comin clean...

BUT TODAY IS LASAGNA DAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

haha WHERE IS MY HOST MOM SHE DITCHED ME AND I WANT MY LASAGNA SHE NEEDS TO TURN ON THE OVEN AND PUT IT IN this would be fine on any other day (CUZ I LOVE BEING ALONE IN THIS APARTMENT) EXCEPTT today is lasagna day and it hasnt been put in the oven to cook yet its just in the fridge CRISIS :( WHERE ARE U OLDD LADYYYYY?!!!!

my epiFUNNYat 1am

haha get it? like epiphany, you know like a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. i dont know where i get this from but this is how i see myself: "i think i was God's gift to the world like God's being funny and sending his craziest and wackiest nut to the earth cuz i was driving him crazy in Heaven so he was like let the Earth handle her for 100 years."

if any of you are on tumblr.

my tumblr is sooooo HOT RIGHT NOW. themexicanbakery.tumblr.com thanks folks!

Backkk in stockkkk & back in my heart!!

Did i ever rant about the pistachio incident??? maybe, probably i dont even remember what i write on this thing, but anyways God knows and now the world does too, that i have a love affair with pistachios, and lets differentiate between the actual nut and the horrendous green vomit that is called pistachio ice cream.. ugh lets not even get started there just the thought of it makes me want to gag. But okay so apparently pistachios arent that popular here, for a fact most brasiians can attest to the fact that theyve never tried one in their life!! which equates to being one of the worst crimes that one can commit, because along with the heavenly green goodness called avocados which are also green, pistachios were meant to be God's preferred nut. Okay so theyre expensive yeah i know theyre expensive everywhere which again proves the point that they are exquisite and refined and must be given high value in this world!! So i had bought them here once or twice at the store but once upon reading an article on pistachios being good for one's health, i almost ran to the nearest Zona Sul supermarket to get me some little green crunchy jewels but as i got there i realized they had NONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I thought this was maybe a mere coincidence so the next day i made sure to go to ANOTHERRRRRR branch and LET ME TELL YOU I ALMOST fell to my knees to weeep that they too did not have pistachios. So i gave myself up to the idea that id never see them again here in Brazil maybe they had gotten banned for being so sinfully pleasureful and that id have to wait till i got to the states... WELL TONIGHT WAS A TREASURE FILLED NIGHT because on my quest to restock on my almonds, another nut that i am very fond of, GUESS WHAT I SEEE NEXT TO THE CASHEWS FOLKS?! A SHITLOAD OF PISTACHIOS ALL STOCKED UP. I was so excited i even said THEYRE BACKKKKK! outloud haha whooops. NO I AINT SORRY, i grabbed them and almost shed tears of joy on my way to the cash register! I have been reunited with a long lost love!! Cheers my friends! keep calm and pistachio on!!! :)

turn the light on please

aight i dont know why but i hate turning on the light in the bathrooom it just bugs me but this time around the bathroom went pitch black so i couldnt see a thing so i go on and lift the seat of the toilet and i fricken failed and lifted both the lid AND THE SEAT and so i fricken fell in the toilet :( what the helllllll brazilian toilets are extra big and i fell through o.O next time i guess ill turn on the light! but this one goes for all the nature people, i was trying to save energy, save the planet, i took one for the team and fell right through!

why didnt i ever discover the glory of

this leather white couch in the back part of our living rooom?!!! its like it was hiding from me for 4 long months just waiting for it to be discovered! its so fricken comfy and amazing and the wifi reaches here oh these are the moments in which i love Rio lifeeee dont separate me from this piece of heavenly furniture!!!

most memorable mothers day post

k guys listen in this is what happened on mothers day 2013,,,, i was gonna go to the chique ass mall where all dazz ritch ass bitches go here in Rio and chill and pretend to study at the starbucks but insteadddddddddddd i said screw it im not studying im going on this crazy ass hike to the top of the 2 irmaos the mountain that looks like 2 humps because they said it would be epiccccccc, well it was it was indeeed, lemme just recant what the heck went down. ok first of all dont go on a hike at 3 in the fricken afternoon when the damn sun goes down at 5, ughhh that was suchhhh a dumb thing to do but ANYYWAYYYZZZZZZZZZZ we get to the favela and wait for the little volksvagen van to take us to the top winding up the hill up up up farther up until we get there,,, AND FIRST OF ALL IM GONNA KILL WHOEVER SAID IT WAS AN EASY ASS HIKE U STUPID IDIOTTTTTTT. okay so we get to where the hike starts which is like some ratchet jungle entrance behind this ratchet make shift house in the favela and we have to climb up the side of this wall okay then we get up to the trail and its jungle jungle jungle crazy plants everywhere getting in my face thank God for bug spray up up up up up rocks dirt trying not to slide or die the first thing i thought was like OH GODD HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THIS COMING DOWN, NO NO NO NO NO. okay well we keep going up its hard but thank God ive been keeping up with my cardio i didnt have to stop but for the sake of others we stopped but i kept telling myself you know we're racing against time here the sun goes down early we are cutting it close we need to get there ASAP so we can come down okay. Well we get to the top and the view is surreal of course i was in awe of how far up we were in reality to everything the whole beaches and coast and the lake we could see ALL of Rio. We had fun taking silly pictures of every nature yes even flashing the world, you're very welcome cariocas. K great it was like 5pm when after i had told everyone for the millionth time WE HAVE TO GET DOWNNN DAMMNITT because some parts of the jungle trail you couldnt even seee the rays of light coming in, it was that high and inpenetrable. So me and my friend decide to go first because honestly people were taking forever and my panic survival instinct kicked in and was like WE NEED TO GET DOWN AS FAST AS POSSIBLE BEFORE WE FRIECKEN ARE LEFT TO DIE HERE so we were even running down the path it was so scary not to mention the ratchet demon butterfly that popped out of nowhere that was GINORMOUS like probably as big as my hands, and i was like oh god are we even going the right way because the trail looked hella different than the other one,,,, welll IT WAS A DIFFERENT one, and then the scariest part was when we hit a fork in the road and could barely see and I was leading and i feel like God guided me to the left even though my friend said right, we kept going and thank God we started hearing the city buzz and could see some light posts in the distance through the thick brush of trees. Kept going not being able to decipher where exactly we were heading, the grace of God came through, i was so nervous i started praying outloud, "Lord deliver us like you delivered the Israelites from Egypt." A little bit further and somehow we made it out into this soccer field at the bottom of everything. I never felt more happy to be alive. The only thing was like where the heck are these girls, theyre fricken screwed because they were wayyyy behind us i literally was like theyre dead and i left them its my fault some of them even came on this hike what am i going to do. our phones didnt work of course in the middle of nowhere and so we decided to go hang out where we started the hike in case maybe they had come down that way instead, we waited, we chilled with these favela people that were having a mothers day bbq, and they even shared some of their foood with us, almost had no choice because they said please have some come on its disrespectful not to since we're offering it to you, so we did meanwhile trying to see if we could get some signal, finally after almost 40 min we got a text but it wasnt very helpful it just said did u guys already leave. so we left thanked the kind people for their food and went back to the soccer field, we didnt see them so we were like okay well probably started going down the favela, i dont know like maybe 10 minutes after going down we see all 5 of them chilling on the side of the road next to a liquor store kind of thing waiting for the bus to take them down, i was soooo RELIEVED oh lorddyyy they were all safeeee and sound!! we then continued to walk down alll the way down to the bottom and then catch the bus back to Copa, oh God i never thought id be as happy as that moment to sayy im glad to be back in Copacabana! Hope y'all had a nice Mother's day too.

I ASKED FOR A WAFFLE NOT A #)(e$#@)(@*#@($*(@

oKAYYYY SO I happened to stumble upon this place that happened to sell "waffles" and "crepes" here in the RIO grand no not the river in Texas/Mexico okay yeah anywaysss damn it stay on topic, i was like omggg they have waffles here i want one oh i wonder what itll be like, lord jesus knows how much i miss American breakfast fooood, like anything Dennys or IHOP would have but sooo i ordered the Nutella Waffle and 20 minutes later the dude brings out the flattest efff waffle i ever sawww in my life damnnit how could you even call it a waffle i shoulda sued it was more like a pancake yeah it was a freaking pancake with tiny little squares in it have these people ever seen what a real waffle looks like is my question!!! oh well i still managed to eat it,,, MAYBEEEEEEEE cuz it was COVERED in hott nutella! 8 dollars i paid for my dreams to be shattered, sighhhhh,,, Imma chocolate whore, i needz to stop oh wait nooo i am who i izzzz chocolate lover at heart, but i do like my men on the whiter side, haha aint that ironic.

i just cant seem toooo

So my host grandma loves to throw little parties at her cute little chique apartment here in da Copacabanaaaazzzzz you know the 22041-012 throwing out the West sideeee copacabana sign write as i typeee anyways representtttt! So yeah she loves throwing these get togethers and having her maid/cook make delicious little pastries and appetizers to show off probably yeah anyhowwww...tomorrow is mother's day so she got the maid to make this amazing chocolate cake oh lord its soooo hugeee i dont know how many people are coming and she's also making pizzas from scratch, oh lord have mercy! but thats not the point of this rant, all her family members come over, yeah i guess they're okay but i always seem to feeel out of place plus after a while they all get annoying, oh so i dont know if i should stay for it, if im even invited officially well its my house to but like she's not gonna tell me to leave, you know but also like am i officially meant to be part of the festivities... i kinda just wanted to slip out after lunch cuz this is supposed to happen like in the early evening time, ill slip out and come back once its kinda died down a bit to go have a study seshhhhh or would that be rudeeee??? I dont wanna hurt her feeelings but like yeah what the heck am i supposed to do for like 5 hours listening to their problems and gossip and smack talking everyone! Apparently the 2 sisters cant stand each other or something so i dont know if they'll all show up because one of them doesnt even consider the other to be her sister, i just remember the maid saying something to her like, "yeah your sister, she bla bla bla" and she responded, "sister???" that aint no sister of mine, something to that extentttt! juicy stuff right?? i wish i could get to the bottom of their dirt! ok well we'll see what ends up happening!

mommmmmmmmmmmyy!

mommmy i miss you i love you i wish i could be giving u a big squeezeee right about now i know how much you always hated me giving you hugs but muahaha i still hugged you anyways you cute little squishy grouchy momma bear!!! your little cub is sooo far awayyy once more, but alas, here i am writing to you to show you that my love knows no bounds and that you do mean the world to me even though im in another continent! ill always remember your loving words when you told me that when you first met me when i was brought to this world i wasnt cute at all and that you asked God to somehow bring you to love me with time! yayyy we all know babies arent cute like baby pandas they're all pink and weird too! so yay my mom did love me after i started growing and getting cuter day by day! :)

stop stop stop

i need to stopp having sweeet delicious caramel pipoca popcorn what the heck has gotten hold of meeeee oh dear lord in heaven it must be the drizzle of condensed milk that the dear popcorn man so gently spills over the top of the popcorn once he's filled it to the brim!! i dont think i can stay awayyy but i mustttt resist for my upcoming Argentina/Uruguay trip at the end of the month!! Oh gawd resist the sweet temptation of those baby kernels disintegrating in my mouth! Okay i needzz to stop apparently gonna try to go on without any for 3 weeks!! Help. SOMEONE STAGE AN INTERVENTION. ONLY $2.50 thouuuuuuuuuuuuuuggghhhh~!!!!

VOTE FOR ME PARATYYYYANS

I'm running for mayor of Paraty and want YOUUUU to vote for ME to bring a new change and a promise for a better Paraty and a better tomoorrow!!! The Paraty aint over!!! I will bring you what you want, like real caramel pipoca instead of this ratchet ass looking red apple flavor, i will bring you a starbucks and a walmart and bigger roads with carpool lanes and i will also bring you quality dog catchers to get rid of the random dogs strolling in the streets. I just received the official endorsement of my candidacy from Will Smith, Kanye West and Angela Merkel! So dont forget to vote me, MELISSA ZAZUETA for mayor of Paraty, and the world will remember your grandeur and your delight. Stand up and cast your ballot next tuesday, ill see you at the polls!

WE'RE GETTING A DIVORCE ITS OVER

SCREW YOU PÃO DE QUEIJOS, IM OVER YOUU I DONT WANT YOU IN MY LIFE, IT WAS NEVER REALLY GOOD TO BEGIN WITH, WHAT I ONCE THOUGHT WAS LOVE WAS JUST LUST AND MY PASSION FOR YOU HAS TURNED INTO SHEER DISAPPOINTMENT. UGH, GOOD RIDDANCE CALORIE BALLS, DONT CALL ME AND DONT LOOK AT ME EVER AGAIN. (EVEN IF YOU'RE FREE, IM TURNING YOU DOWN) I HATE U.

Grannnyyy dont look at me like dat

Ohkay so i live i with an 84 year old lady she's cute and nice and whatever, and the place is really great, food is great, my room is great, HOWEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, i can only get internet in the living rooom cuz i use the neighbors wifi. So at times like now when im staying up lateeeeeee onlineeee, i always make weird eye contact with granny who gets up and goes to the restroom during the weee hours of the night. She just looked at me like what the hell are u doin there in the darkkkkk!!! dammit i shouldnt have left my door open to my room cuz its right next to hers and so she automatically saw that i wasnt in it!!!! i prolly look like a crazzyyyyy creeeeper all in da cornerrrr on my computer........... ugh RATCH RIO LIFEEEE. okay well granny just lemme do what i want and go back to bed.

Random funny of the day

well it was night but you know what i mean, hahahazz so like here in Brazil the pharmacies can deliver to your house so like my granny was waiting for her drugsss and then when the guy was at the door the maid opened it and went to give him the money so i RANDOMLY YELLL, WHERE'S THE PIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAA?????????????????!!!!!!!! omgggg he hella laughed, omg it was toooo goood hahaahaa i crack myself uppp!! im funny in all the languages, who woulda thought!

dont do it,,, EVERRR

okay like i thought i was the best plan ever, like so healthy im ssoo coool yaya look how creative im getting with my snackssssss,,,,,,,,,NOOOOOOOOOOOOO,,,, DONT EVERR EAT BELLPEPPERS AT NIGHT WTF WAS I THINKINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. UGHHHHHH my pooor tummmy and the damn night before i messed up the same and had fricken mangooo -___________- i cant have certain things at night, so now im wireddd with an upset stomachhh :(( pooooorr meeeee. and my fricken maid was like omggg i knew ur stomach was gonna hurt when i saw you eating that... OMG U DUMB HOEE WHY DIDNT U TELL ME WHEN I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF EATING ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh wateversss at least she made me some tea to kinda help it.. plop ploppp. oh i worked out 2x todayyy BAMMM 2 months left to KILL IT BEFORE GOIN BACK SEXY TO THE STATES. BOW DOWNNNNNNN

omgggg plzz platform converse

Red converse platforms iz all i have to sayyy, hopefully they have my size tomorrow!!!!

i was born to TROLLLLLL

likeeeee i think i barely got into this trend but i fricken love it and think i was meant for it like im super good at trolling peopleee muauahahaa its soo funn!!!! like this lady at the gym had written her name down on the waiting list for the next available machine and her name was Livia which happens to be the name of the evil actress in the biggest soapopera here in Brazil called Salve Jorge so i grabbed the pen and wrote down the character's last name, Marini so everyone saw the name Livia Marini on the board and then i just bounced the hell outttt omggg i almost died when the idea came into my head!!

my poor oatmeal :(

okay so like ive always had a weird relationship with oatmeal, to me ive never seemed to get it right, like i just end up not putting enough milk or enough water or enough oatmeal, i always had a thing that kept me from making it like i wasnt scared i guess i can say i was a bit intimidated. my mom always made oatmeal for us but i really didnt care for it then. i regret it because its sooo good for u! but anyways damn it i rose to da challenge and made me some oatmeal at midnight, i was so proud because it came out perfect! drizzled some of dat honey hon hon and threw in some raisins, it was Krayzins! okay so it was all great, i had made enough to last me till morning and so i left it all ready to go out on the table in its little bowl so that i could just eat it before i left for schoool. it was going to be a perfect morning UNTILLLLL i walk into the kitchen and dont see it and then i look in the sink and its empty and im LIKEEEE OHHHH NOOOOOOO WHERE'S MY OATMEALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL??!!! I asked our maid, where the heck is it and she was like i threw it away, dont tell me it was yours. i was like soooooo mad i just walked to my room to try to cool my jets and not get crazy. so i took a deep breath went back into the kitchen and told the maid it was okay and that she just owed me some more oatmeal. okay, take care of ur oatmeal folks, put it back into the fridge or something so no hoodrat messes with it and throws it out!!

watch out for flying salgados!

oh my gosh, i need to relax whenever im retelling a story because i just get too carried away with my hand and arm motions that things can happen like smacking your besties's salgado (sandwich) that she is obsessed with right out of her hands and seeing it fly up and backwards and see the little piece of salt heaven come crashing down on the ground. the poor thing let out a small wimper of pain and heartbreak to see her most dear treat go to waste after only a few bites after looking forward to it with so much anticipation and want. it was a sad moment in the life of the salgado queen. but sometimes things like these happen and well sometimes you pick up your salgado and you keep on eating it. well if she really wanted it she would have, right?

the case of the devil possessed child...

so im just trying to go to school like a normal student out here in the Brazzy Braz and im riding the usual 435/432 to PUC you know the deal folks when I suddenly hear this ratchet like 9 year old girl get on the bus with her mom. I knew she was crazy when she started making weird noises as she tried to get past the turnstile at the front. everything was chill you know until 30 minutes later i hear the most impish and demonic shriek yelling "PARRRRRRAAAAAAAA" which is portuguese for STOPPPP. it was the worst sound that has ever penetrated these baby ears of mine. It was horrific i wanted to get up and punch the kid in the face. what the hell is your deal as a parent that you let your kid behave like such a maniac and demon child like is it just okay to let them do whatever the hell they want. you need to keep your damn child in check what the heck they are a threat to society, the most ratchet little brasilian kid ive encountered here in my three months! i best not be seeing you on the bus again or i will kick you in ur baby crotch.

yeah lady pot brownies, you heard right!!!

aight so my sidekick/partner in crime is literally OBSESSED with this brownie stand at our school that also sells ginormous pancake cookies, and i cant help but get one from time and time again and regret it and whatever then okay yeah so i dont know why but i approached the brownies at the front of the stand picked one up and told everyone around in portuguese, HEY DID Y'ALL KNOW IN THE US THEY PUT MARIJUANA IN BROWNIES??!!!! AND THE LADY behind the country was like OH MEU DEUS, OH LORDY, haha it was the best reaction ever, i was like yeah lady like for 8 hours you just find yourself staring out into the spacial horizons out in mars like wuttttttt okayyy its almost 4/20 but im not gonna be high so everyone get high for me back in the states! Blazeeeee it.

i love papaya thats my f*ckin problem

papayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa or how they call it here mamaoooooo, is like my favorite fruitttt and sometimes i sneak into the fruit basket or the fridge and i steal some from granny, well come on its not stealing if i pay to be fed, but like idk i feel like a badass if i take some of it from her while she sleeps, idk im hungry and i like to eat fruit at night, damn it whats wrong with that huh!!!! papaya is super goood for you for your stomach and if you want to know it makes your poop smell like papaya too! not too bad huh! so manyyyyy benefits people!!! just the annoying part is having to cut it and encountering the bajillion trillion little seeds inside and doing away with them. oh well, its worth it, just to have you in my mouth papaya!! love you sincerely ur number one fan, meliii mel.

you know your poor when...

you get excited over finding 2 real coins in one day in two separate incidents! one i found on the floor of the bus and the other at the little snack store hiding amongst the granola bars! it was soo thrilling and exhilarating, words cannot describe the euphoria! ok so that really evens out to 1 dollar guys, but seriously every little bit counts!! Every penny saved is a penny earned wahoooo!! like that almost covers a ride on the bus! oh boy if i woulda found three, i would have jumped with joy! reminds me of the time i found ten euros on the metro in Madrid, now that was a sight! that equaled out to getting 2 meals, now that was the best day ever! here's to finding many more little coins along the way! :) oh and now that we're talking about coins like where is there a fountain in this city anyways like i need to go dive into a fountain so i can pay for these damn 2.75 bus rides everywhere! seriously im gonna go find me a fountain and get rich!! i never understood where the heck the idea of throwing coins into a fountain came from like who the heck was like lets throw our money away into some gross fountain just for fun?? ughh seriously and the Trevi fountain in Rome everyone does their retarded backwards coin toss, however when i was there i REFUSED to look retarded and join every other billionth of the tourists in that act. maybe thats why i havent been back to Italy omg is that whyyy cuz i didnt throw the coin?????!!!!! um no, whatever im not gonna give into that retarded belief! ok well im outttt. hopefully we all find money on the street and keep ur eyes open folks!!

wakey wakey

there's nothing like having evil brazilian mosquitos munching on you in the early hours of the night to wake you up. awww the joy of brazilian living...NOTTTT ughhh i hate mosquitoes i hate them so much i got like 5 bites on my arm and then i got all paranoid and decided to just stay up and fight a war against them. i killed a few but there are way too many. ugh as long as they're not dengue mosquitoes, im good. Dengue is becoming an epidemic here in Brazil and it just paranoys me so much... like i said when i got here at our orientation when asked what you wanted out of Brazil;;; "i just want to survive". Man oh man, how true that is. Lord Jesus if i get back home safe in one piece, itll be the greatest miracle in my life!

I think I have a problem with throwing things

okay so ever since i can remember ive been shooting things into the trash can instead of getting up and walking over to throw them away. i feel that this action has been legitimated and thus continued based on the fact that im actually really goood and it probably cuz i yell kobe as i launch whatever i throw. but anyways yeah id say 8 out of 10 times i make all my shots where it be water bottles, paper balls, fruit rinds and pieces of cheese. In class the other day I was sitting up towards the top of the class and i decided to throw the remainder of my apple. well i missed by the closest margin folks, really it was a heartbreaker but the damn apple decided to disintegrate almost through impact so my teacher went over to throw it in the trash, i was really embarrassed well not really cuz he's a nice guy who motioned me to stay seated even when i looked as if i was getting up. I tried the same shot another time and I made it, it felt so good!!!! But okay oh haha this makes me remember when i chucked a banana peel in portuguese class and it almost hit our guest lecturer. bahahaha oh that was too good. clelia did get kind of mad at me though. BUT ANYWAYSS SEGWAY MUCHHH??? Ok so yeah part of this throwing condition comes from the mere fact that im too lazy to get up lets be real, okay so tonight i had slices some pieces of cheese and brought them back to the living room. well gosh darnnit i dropped one on the floor and since my leg is kinda not 100% cuz of my burn, I dont like getting up more than i already am forced to, so i decided to throw the big piece of cheese out the big window that was wide open in our living room. So yeah if you see a piece of cheese on the street in Copacabana, it was me. sorry.

WHEN IN DOUBT WEAR PANTS

OKAY guys you know that little voice inside your head that tells you to wear pants?? Okay you always have to listen to it, especially when your going to ride on a motorcycle up a ratchet favela and you dont know how the hell to get on and you freaking get on on the wrong side, where the damn exhaust pipe is burning hot, just waiting for your skin to rub on it. UGHH MY ULTIMATE FEAR CAME TRUEEEE :( i always wore pants when i knew i was going to Vidigal (the favela) and this time well i was out the whole day so i didnt really think about it and well i didnt wanna go all the way back home for pants. BIG MISTAKE. the second i got on my leg touched it and i was like shit thats hot but it took like 3 seconds for me to look at my leg and realize that my skin had been burned off and my raw flesh was all exposed :((( i wanted to cry in that instant but thats when we started going up the hill so its not like i was going to throw a fit right then and there. but i was just saying MEU DEUS :( when i got off i started looking for an aloe vera plant and my survival instinct kicked in and my eagle eyes found a random plant and i ran to it and ripped off a piece and put it on immediately. my friends were like what the heck that isnt your plant but i was like DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CAREE, IM DYING IM PUTTING DISS ON MY LEG YOU HOE GET OUTTA HERE WITH THAT ITS NOT YOURS BUSINESS, I EVEN WENT BACK A SECOND TIME TO GET ANOTHER PIECE. If youre trying to survive the last thing you care about is who owns the plant belongs to! lolz ughhh the day was a fail we went all the way up the hill to my friends place for nothing, the plans fell through, i wasted my time plus i got burned. wooo, well at least i didnt die. (yet) ugh i just want to survive and make it out alive and back to the states.

'MERICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i missss youuu so muccchhh, everythingggg aboutt youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. you dont know what you have till its gone, for real!!!! everytime i seee an american flag i start yelling MERICAAAAAAAAAAAA, ask my friends like on the beach in Ipanema some guy had speedos with the american flag on them and i started saying MERICCCCAAAA MERICCCAAAA LEMME COME BACKK TO YOUUUU, LIKE THE PRODIGAL CHILDDDDDDDDDDDD. And today at the hippie fair there were American flag stockings or whatever and i also started saying MERICAAAAAAA ughhhh i wanna be back in the US for 4th of JULY SOO MUCH SO I CAN PROCLAIM MY LOVE FOR THE BEST PLACE IN THE WORLDDD. MERICCAAAAAA i love youuuuuu so muchhhhh, from SEA TO SHININGG SEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. IVE NEVER FELT SO PATRIOTIC IN MY LIFE TILL I GOT OUT AND BEEN LIVING IN THIS RATCHET ASS PLACE KNOWN AS RIO.

you dont know what you got till its gone

yeah well i didnt think i was gonna miss peanut butter as much as i do here and its driving me crazy like what else do you put on bread in the morning that is as good for you, nothing, nutella is the devil's spread and like jam is too sweet. ugh and i never really had peanut butter that much in the states, i totally took you for granted peanut butter! so many times that i had the chance to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at work cuz it was just there waiting for me to scoop some into a piece of bread. but i didnt i feel so bad now!!! ugh i asked my friend to ask her parents to bring some with them from America and maybe they did maybe they didnt, ugh that would be the best thing ever!! okay and like im only concerned about the crunchy kind because peanut butter without the nuts isnt peanut butter like you know thats the point of it, to chew on the peanuts!! hello!! omg one time i was super tired at work and delirious or whatever and i asked my coworker if smooth peanut butter had peanuts in it!! haha thats why im telling you, its not the same, its weird, there's no point to it, get yo smooth peanut butter somewhere else!!

omg what the heck is ur deal little kid

ok so my host mom's great granddaughter YES I SAID GREAT because my host lady is 84 years old and all she does is sit on the couch and watch tv for 12 hours of the dayyyyyyy ANYWAYSSS stop getting sidetracked and stick to da subject meliiiiii okay so i have a love hate relationship with this kid, like she's bipolar, and sends me weird little signals but like i feel like we're making progress. ok so she's a little bitchy 3 year old and the first time we met she was being all shady like i dont even think she fricken told me her name, THE NERVE!!! so she was eating popcorn and her dad told her to share some with me and she said NO, and then 2 minutes later she looks at me with a little evil face and shows me an empty bag and laughs and says I FINISHED. I was like OH NO U DIDNT little kid, i dont let anyone disrespect me no matter how old u is and i looked her dead in the eye and said LOOK I DONT EVEN LIKE POPCORN OKAY. then she was running in the living room and she fell and started crying and i said HA THATS WUT U GET KIDD. lolz anyways this time around she was nicer and showed me her toys and then wanted me to do her makeup and jumped on my bed and did stretches with me and picked out my outfit, which was pink cuz she apparently LOVESS pink and when we were doing stretches on the bed she rolled off it was so cute cuz she looked at me and was like IM SORRY. omgz hunny dont say sorry if u fell lolz. then we kept arguing about Minnie mouse and how she's only Minnie to her and i was like DO U KNOW I LIVE LIKE down the street from Disneyland NO U WOULDNT KNOW CUZ UR 3 and ur DUMB. lolz omgz this little kid saga will continue.

apples to apples

OKAY WELL I HAVE ANOTHER ADDICTION. APPLES GALA, TO BE SPECIFIC. i dont know how i ended up liking that one so much, my dad always brought home red delicious to our house and it was his favorite, but i guess like in everything else, i HAVE to be different. okay well i have like 3 apples a day, well there baby apples, so its not THAT bad right? i dont know i just always resort to eating an apple, its healthy right? i mean whats that saying, a doctor a day , keeps the apples away? yeah thats it. But the point of this post was to express my frustration in how i let myself RUN OUT and not have a fresh stock of baby apples!!! ughhh i feel like im dying right now!!! i have to go tomorrow to the little hipster store that sells a bag full for 3 dollars!!! and cashews while im at it. OMG ANNE HATHAWAY WON HER FIRST OSCAR!!!!!!! YAYYY! SHE DREAMED A DREAMM!!!! <3

WHAT DO U MEAN U NEVER HEARD OF CARLS JR?!

okay so my annoying American came out yesterday at the favela, at this random burger stand thats apparently the #1 hookup burger joint in the whole favela, people come from all over to get a 2 dollar burger. Anywho well me trying to be funny in portuguese end up telling the burger guy that im gonna call him Carlinhos like the Brazilian equivalent of Carl lol because he makes burgers like Carls Junior. He looked at me so confused and like what the heck did you just say? I was like yeah you know like Mcdonalds there is another burger restaurant called Carls Junior and so ur new name is Carlinhos Junior buddy! He was like oh okay sure but my burgers are better than the burgers they have in the States. well i wasnt gonna get into a brawl with the guy so i was like yeah for sure they are. get the heck out. okay, i was tryin to give him a burger compliment and he was being weirdd ughhhh HOW DO U NOT KNOW CARLS JUNIOR!!! I SHOULDA JUST ASKED FOR A FAMOUS STAR, to see his reaction. wait like thats what they serve at carls jr right? i get confused, i cant remember the last time i went to carls junior. they have goood milk shakes right?

IM COOOCOOO FOR COCONUTSSSS

omg that just came to me, its BRILLIANT!!! yes well ive found a new addiction and its spelled like this A-G-U-A D-E C-O-C-O. Its coconut water but straight from a legit coco they sell on the beach!!! these are different cocos than the ones i always pictured, u know the brown ones with white inside. These ones are green and they arent round actually they're more like football shaped weird things i dont know but ALL I DO KNOW is that THEY ARE GOD'S gift to humanity, #3 from Justin Bieber. Okay not gettin on the bieber subject but YESSSSSSSSSS coconut water is SOOOO refreshing, omgggg, i have ONE A DAY! Yes you HEARD IT RIGHT, ONE A DAY, so there i go throwing 2 dollars for cocos. I CANT GO A DAY WITHOUT ONE, i SERIOUSLY made a pledge that im having one everyday and ive lived up to my promise, i dont remember the last time i didnt have one! BUT LEMME SAY THIS I ALMOSTTTTTTTTTTTT forgot to have one today, thank God my friend reminded me and I got one on my run on the beach :) I actually always do this i dont know why i blanked today, oh wait i know cuz it was already night time and im not used to running at night but its cool actually cuz u dont have the evil sun blazing at you and toasting you to a crisp!! but yeah coconut water is so quenching, even better nutritionally than water! yay so i had my coco and i continued on my run along all of Copacabana! My friend asked me what gets me excited and pumped to get up in the morning, and i said, working out. Yup, this is the new me. My new life, my REAL life. #justdoit #kendrick

my first FAVVVYYY

hey all dear readers of this cyber underworld. I WENT TO MY FIRST FAVELA, it was monumental! There are so many stigmas and other negative ideas surrounding these housing communities, but now i see that its all just a hype, just like when they talk bad about Mexico, dont get me started, how they twist reality. anywho, many of these favelas have been pacified and so they are pretty safe and just like any other place, just filled with poor people trying to survive a day at a time. the only thing that really kinda psyched me out was all the cops at the bottom with machine guns but the residents say that that is the norm and its a way to regulate it and keep it pacified as it has been for more than a year now. The name of the favela is Vidigal and it honestly has the best view of Rio de Janeiro because it stretches up up up almost as if it reaches up to the sky! i went up on a motorcycle taxi which was also an adventure in itself!!! it was soooooo steeeep and it took forever to get to the top like ten to fifteen minutes on the back of this crazy motorcycle, holding on to dear life! i was literally praying the whole time!! we finally reached the top and seeing my friend standing there was such a sigh of relief that I had made it after all!!! we went to the same spot that Kim, Kanye and Will Smith toured and OF COURSE i pulled a Kim and was like "OMG GUYS I JUST FEEL SO BLESSED TO BE HERE" shut up kim omg. But yeah we decided we were gonna make a spoof of that another time and im gonna dress like kim and do it. lolz it was like 2 in the morning and we decided to walk all the way down and omg i was like THIS IS THE WORST CHOICE TO MAKE because we had to go down like a million stairs and my knees dont do well with going DOWN the stairs...ayyyy well NOW I KNOW. my friend is gonna move into Vidigal soon and im so excited to go back actually!!! yayyyy :)

OMG HE LEFT

ITS LIKE HE HEARD MY THOUGHTS, HE LEFT!! this might be the shortest visit yet! BUT he did say he was gonna come back later with his wife omg i have to escape from here!!!! anywhere but here, beach beach im comingg sooooooon!

its that time of the month agaiinnn -_____-

no no its not when mother nature strikes, im referring to when my host mom's son in law comes over to visit -_____- i never thought anyone could be so obnoxious, ten times more loud and obnoxious than my dad is! i really think that its unnecessary for your voice has to reach certain decibel levels!!! not to mention how loud he gets, its like he's yelling, his voice makes the craziest inflections that ive ever heard. Also he uses his hands for everything, and uses other similar theatrics. its surprising that he is a biologist, i never thought they could be this lively. i want to go get my headphones but i feel like it wouldnt matter and that he would INTERFERE with me trying to watch my missed episodes of Girls so now i have to fricken waiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. STOP REPEATING URSELF, WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!!! JUST GET OUT OF MY HOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

LOOK AT ME IM...SANDY D.

okay that title was trying to go for a GREASE kinda thing, well it didnt come out so well, but damn it im sandy! NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, i ALWAYSS end up with sand all over myself at the end of the day!! I dont know how the heck it happens but its everywhere, my chest, my neck, my face, my legs, my feeet!!!! And its soo annoying to take off cuz i always miss a spot!!! UGHHH, well i guess this is what it means to fricken live in a beach city!!! my TOMS are so sandy, i dont know what to do, but at least they still sparkle like the first moment i caught a glimpse of them in the store window!!! oh and i had the best acai today in Ipanema with granola!! it was a party in my mouth, brazil you're okay in my book. till next time, you good looking internet users!

daaaaaammmn gurrrllll

just in case you were wondering who that hot bitch running in that black one piece along Avenida Atlantica was, it was me, twerking it in my highlighter yellow nikes and my bathing suit. you're welcome copacabana, you're welcome Rio. DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A GANGSTER.

might be my proudest moment so far

okay so i finally went to get some monayyyy from the bankkk wooo i lasted 2 weeks without having to withdraw cash!!! anyways this super market was on the way back so i decided to look if they had almonds because i think its been like 4 days that i havent had any and i couldnt go much longer, seriously im nuts for almonds ahahaa gosh i need to stop making that damn nut joke. anywhooooo, so wooohoo i go over to the nut section and i noticed they had pistachios, another of my favorite nuts, and my maid, Isabel said to me that she had never seen that kind of nut in her life and i almost had a heart attack, i said SAYYYY WHUTTTTT. you havent ever had pistachios ladyy?!!! How da heckk can you live your lifeeeeeeeeeeee?!!!! anyways so i told her okayy isabel this is gonna be the best day everrr, imma buy dem for you and ur gonna see what u been missing ur whoooleee lifeeee!!!! so when we got home just now she really wasnt kidding, she had no idea how to eat them, she was like, do u eat the whole thing or what?? I was like no gurl no just watch, so i demonstrated how to crack the pistachio and dispose of the 2 shells and just go right ahead and eat the green piece of heaven in betweennn! it was a beautiful moment watching her do it all by herself! listen folks i dont know how she went 55 years without eating pistachios but boy was she hoooked or what!! i almost had to take the container away from her and been like BITCH it was only a taste, now gimmie right here. She proceeded in admitting that they were addicting and that it be better if i put them away in my room. yup lady they hidden now, you best be on ur best behavior if you be expectin some more! :)

apparently im dyslexic

okay what the heck who decides to name two streets in the same area Sa Ferreira and Francisco Sa????? So im walking along the beach and these guys on their bikes stop next to me and ask me where Francisco Sa is. Of course i confused it for Sa Ferreira and so i told them 'yeah its more that way, keep going' no it was in the opposite direction. what was more embarrassing is that he knew i was wrong and continued on to ask the people working at the kiosk where it was at so i panicked and didnt want them to pass by me again and look at me like i was an idiot so i ran towards the beach to not have to pass by them again and yeah i just continued walking home this time along the water instead, so idiots on bikes dont stop by and ask me for directions!!!!

this city twerks it

so i never ever seeen a city so concerned and obsessed with their personal fitness as Rio is. it is unbelievable how the ENTIRE city comes out at night to work out along the beach, running, walking, biking, skateboarding, rollerblading, everything you can imagine. People of all ages, races, shapes and sizes. It is so empowering and inspiring! im so happy that im part of this and that this is part of my journey to fitness. there is no better city to get in shape in! remember, every new day is a chance to change your life.

you dropped your cashew

so here i go on my adventure of looking for almonds and of course the damn supermarket has run out of almonds AGAINNNNNNNNNNN. but ive channeled my frustrations and found another seemingly delicious nut, which is the cashew. And since im trying to be a health nut, wait is that even an expression? okay i dont know but since im trying to be super natural now, ive discovered raw cashews, which means they arent toasted or salted or sweet, and they are surprisingly even better that way!!! but okay i buy my small bag of natural cashews and since i cant get enough of them, i open the bag right after i pay for them and as im pouring the cashews into my mouth straight from the bag, i unfortunately lost one cashew as i rode up the escalator and this lady, yells at me, informing me, well i already knew lady, the loss of a cashew had occurred. okay thanks for letting me know, so i had to pick up the cashew from the floor, and now everyone knew i dropped my cashew. what the heck do i do with a dirty cashew lady? why did you have to make a scene and make me pick up the cashew! i just wanted to awkwardly keep walking but noooooooooo i had to wait for it to get to the top of the escalator and kick it onto the floor and pick it up. of course i told the lady, thanks for letting me know, but i didnt really MEAN it. i shoulda just chucked it at her face. dont mess with me, and what if i wanted the cashew on the floor, HUH LADY ever think about that???? ugh whatever, i just put it in the grocery bag and walked back home. another incident of cashew dropping occurred in the elevator, but thank goodness nobody was inside with me to harass me to pick it up, so i just left it there to hopefully entertain the next elevator rider. sounds like a good way to start this day.

ill show you granny

how have i not written about how many times granny has one way or another, called me fat, aka gordinha to my face or to her friends well, i guess ive lost track, but everyday i show her how much exercise i do and how healthy i eat and in her face i do not give her the satisfaction of eating the chocolate she gave me two days ago. its just sitting on the coffee table when she first gave it to me and i will never, never, never EAT IT. hmmm, calling me fat and then giving me chocolate??! i know what ur trying to do here and im not gonna have it grannyy UH UH! i know who put you up to this, and IM better than THEM. im tired of errrrrrrr EEE 1 telling me shittttt about my weight. oh yeah i forgot the doctor, when examining my stomach, looked at my stretch marks and was like OH SO YOUVE HAD KIDS? and i said no. and he went on to saying, SO YOU USED TO BE MUCH FATTER?? obviously dickhead. but damn it im making a change! i may not be there yet, but im closer than i was yesterday. just watchhhh granny especially when i leave in 5 months, ill be unrecognizable!

novela help

okay what the hell is going on in this stupid soap opera called salve jorge, okay there are a million stories intertwined in this novela, and the whole country is obsessed with it. all i know is some ratchet evil lady wants to kill the world and somehow was responsible for kidnapping this other hoe and sending her to turkey. i just dont know how these random other periguetes have to relate to that plot. ughh, problems.

harlem seizure

okay well like everyone else im like what da fuqq is dat harlem shake shizz but i really think its funny and i want it to come to brazil i think id be the happiest american in rio if id see it happen, wait i have to MAKE it happen somehow, if i could get everyone up to arpoador and losing their shit to da beat, would be the best best best thing ever. im gonna recruit all the little favela kids to be in the video and itll be awesomeee.

oh its onnnnnn granny

soo i have this unofficial competition half the time with granny to see who goes to bed earlier, but most of the times i lose, how the heck does granny manage to stay up so late at 84 years old, wait maybe cuz she's obsessed with coffeee and she sleeps in more and she just stays sitting down all day while i walk like 10,000 miles a day around ipa,copa and leme and back and forth. thats why she can stay up, gosh granny, okay you win tonight, again. im beat, i have to take a shower. oh did i mention its really hot, ugh but at least we have watermelon in the fridge, im gonna stealth mode it later to steal some and hopefully not go into diabetes shock because of its sugar level. oh yeah i ran out of almonds. hopefully pao de acucar has some tomorrow. and i havent taken out money in 2 weeks i think thats pretty good! ill have to go soon, im runnin out of reais but whatever im not kickin this coconut habit, till i leave, 2.50 aint nothing to this monayy makaahhh.

making progress with granny

so like i was trying to tell my king of scotland friend that its so hard to conversate with my old lady, granny, host mom because she's 84 and really i dont know how to relate to her and what to say, sometimes im lucky if i get her to tell me something besides, "vai almocar?" are you going to have lunch? Yes, of course im gonna eat, hello thats what i pay you an extra 150 dollars for. Anywho, i have an easier time talking to the help, Isabel, she's like my mom figure and she's chiller to talk to hellooo. But anyways, granny dearest gets jealous and i heard her say to Isabel, "she only talks to you, and never tells me anything." okay so i dont want there to be drama so im trying to talk to granny a bit more and so today i noticed she bought new house slippers which are pretty divalicious i must say they're silver and gold slip on things i really liked them. so i continue on telling her that she is really chique. Then only ten minutes later, i realized she switched her shoes, and so i asked her what happened and she said that during summer her feet swell up and that she's gonna get the bigger size tomorrow. okay yay. oh wait i also told her bless you twice when she sneezed. progressssss, yes.

neymars horse girlfriend

likeeee for the longest time this actress in the number one brazilian soap opera really looks like the tanner and whorisher version of kendall jenner. and apparently she's neymar's girlfriend and her name is bruna. well i dont care. she does look like a horseier version. im sure she's nice, not, id rather meet kendall, and i never thought i would say that.

did you just do that?

okay so i go to my favorite prostitute bar in copa because honestly its fun i guess and they actually have real tvs to watch sports. yeah so arsenal lost to bayern munich but what else is new fucking arsenal always loses. i was the only girl really at the bar and i kept overhearing these old fart brits talking about random prostitutes and cardiologists not exactly in that order. i was hoping to evade having to pay for something there but right towards the end someone went up to me and asked me if i wanted to buy something, ughhhh whatever so i just got a coconut water since im obsessed and i obviously dont drink alcohol anymore. it makes you fat. okay yeah so then im pissed that my team has officially become the lamest in the world and i march out half pissed and sleepy and im pretty sure the guy at the front pouted and blew me a kiss, i was like ewwww. bye. see you tomorrow, great. but i have to watch the barcelona vs milan game.

i hate ur tattoo but ur hot

there was a really hot brasilian lifeguard off of post 7 and i looked at him as i walked by and i knew he knew i had fallen in love and then he randomly reappears at the arpoador in front of me in his fricken speedo and he has the most random and explicit tattoo of some whore with a thong riding a horse and I was like what the hell is that but i kept walking and pretending he didnt have the tattoo and i continued to walking up the 32 steps to the top of the rock and he disappeared and then i was bored so i went to go see where he went and he was on the other side jumping off the rocks into the water. i miss him already.

flashback to marine bio

omg i went to the tide pools at the Arpoador and watched baby crabs in the wild i missed them and this brazilian little kid was talking to me and i dont know what he said so i awkwardly walked away and he kept talkin and so i walked faster and up to the top of the rock and contemplated plankin but there was no one to take a pic of me so i just had my coco.

Predeparture pensamentos

Oh my gawd how did i end up with a 5am flight!!!! 22 hours later ill be in a cidade maravilhosa, Rio de Janeiro. The magical city home to everything crazy, samba, futebol, da beaches. I hope that its everything and more. This is gonna be interesting because unlike my other study abroad in Spain, this one is hella longer. 3months in Europe was cake compared to this eight month journey that i am anout to embark on. My only solace is that i speak portuguese to a good level, well thats what i think now. We will see just how good i am, with the crazy fast speaking Cariocas. I feel like im gonna tell everyone "por favor pode falar mais devagar" speak slower cuz im obviously not from nere even though i can be mistaken as blaxican with this crazy hair that i have going. Ok so i know where im staying i just hope that my homestay mom is cool and oh goodness may there be internet because i i i neeed wifi!!! Im not bringing my iPad ehich i dont know how im gonnna survive without it. Hopefully the transition feom airport to homestay will be much smoother than the one in Madrid and lets pray to the good lord above that she is home, ugh i guess im gonna have to call her when im in Panama, wooomexoensive phone calls!! I will just freak if no one is nome omg having to buzz in hopefully someone is there!! Im glad im teaveling with my one of my favorite people in the world, GG. Its gonna be fun with that six hour layover in Panama!! Im so tired right now i have to sleep on the flight somehow! I hope everything goes well with the visa and the transition. Im just concerned with getting settled in. Figuring out which buses to take to the university is gonna be fun but at least i have friends closeby so im hoping we can all go together. Its gonna be so hot there ive been complaining so much about the cold but we will see how i can hand,e this change in climate. Ay what else can i say well i just want to enjoy myself and see the beauty of this new country and have fun and be safe. Im not trying to go super hardcore and loose myself because lol i have to come back to Berkeley for my last semester and write my thesis. Thats not gonna be fun but hopefully i can get some good research done in Rio. Im sure this is gonna be over somfast so here's to a great experience that ill live to remember and cherish and share with many. Yayyyy hopefully i meet my Brazilian husband, thats what Miss Paula says is what is gonna happen. Rambling rambling rambling im gonna miss Berkeleyyyyyyy ahhh but ill have this new home now! :) xoxo talk soon from Rio.