my poor oatmeal :(

okay so like ive always had a weird relationship with oatmeal, to me ive never seemed to get it right, like i just end up not putting enough milk or enough water or enough oatmeal, i always had a thing that kept me from making it like i wasnt scared i guess i can say i was a bit intimidated. my mom always made oatmeal for us but i really didnt care for it then. i regret it because its sooo good for u! but anyways damn it i rose to da challenge and made me some oatmeal at midnight, i was so proud because it came out perfect! drizzled some of dat honey hon hon and threw in some raisins, it was Krayzins! okay so it was all great, i had made enough to last me till morning and so i left it all ready to go out on the table in its little bowl so that i could just eat it before i left for schoool. it was going to be a perfect morning UNTILLLLL i walk into the kitchen and dont see it and then i look in the sink and its empty and im LIKEEEE OHHHH NOOOOOOO WHERE'S MY OATMEALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL??!!! I asked our maid, where the heck is it and she was like i threw it away, dont tell me it was yours. i was like soooooo mad i just walked to my room to try to cool my jets and not get crazy. so i took a deep breath went back into the kitchen and told the maid it was okay and that she just owed me some more oatmeal. okay, take care of ur oatmeal folks, put it back into the fridge or something so no hoodrat messes with it and throws it out!!

watch out for flying salgados!

oh my gosh, i need to relax whenever im retelling a story because i just get too carried away with my hand and arm motions that things can happen like smacking your besties's salgado (sandwich) that she is obsessed with right out of her hands and seeing it fly up and backwards and see the little piece of salt heaven come crashing down on the ground. the poor thing let out a small wimper of pain and heartbreak to see her most dear treat go to waste after only a few bites after looking forward to it with so much anticipation and want. it was a sad moment in the life of the salgado queen. but sometimes things like these happen and well sometimes you pick up your salgado and you keep on eating it. well if she really wanted it she would have, right?

the case of the devil possessed child...

so im just trying to go to school like a normal student out here in the Brazzy Braz and im riding the usual 435/432 to PUC you know the deal folks when I suddenly hear this ratchet like 9 year old girl get on the bus with her mom. I knew she was crazy when she started making weird noises as she tried to get past the turnstile at the front. everything was chill you know until 30 minutes later i hear the most impish and demonic shriek yelling "PARRRRRRAAAAAAAA" which is portuguese for STOPPPP. it was the worst sound that has ever penetrated these baby ears of mine. It was horrific i wanted to get up and punch the kid in the face. what the hell is your deal as a parent that you let your kid behave like such a maniac and demon child like is it just okay to let them do whatever the hell they want. you need to keep your damn child in check what the heck they are a threat to society, the most ratchet little brasilian kid ive encountered here in my three months! i best not be seeing you on the bus again or i will kick you in ur baby crotch.

yeah lady pot brownies, you heard right!!!

aight so my sidekick/partner in crime is literally OBSESSED with this brownie stand at our school that also sells ginormous pancake cookies, and i cant help but get one from time and time again and regret it and whatever then okay yeah so i dont know why but i approached the brownies at the front of the stand picked one up and told everyone around in portuguese, HEY DID Y'ALL KNOW IN THE US THEY PUT MARIJUANA IN BROWNIES??!!!! AND THE LADY behind the country was like OH MEU DEUS, OH LORDY, haha it was the best reaction ever, i was like yeah lady like for 8 hours you just find yourself staring out into the spacial horizons out in mars like wuttttttt okayyy its almost 4/20 but im not gonna be high so everyone get high for me back in the states! Blazeeeee it.

i love papaya thats my f*ckin problem

papayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa or how they call it here mamaoooooo, is like my favorite fruitttt and sometimes i sneak into the fruit basket or the fridge and i steal some from granny, well come on its not stealing if i pay to be fed, but like idk i feel like a badass if i take some of it from her while she sleeps, idk im hungry and i like to eat fruit at night, damn it whats wrong with that huh!!!! papaya is super goood for you for your stomach and if you want to know it makes your poop smell like papaya too! not too bad huh! so manyyyyy benefits people!!! just the annoying part is having to cut it and encountering the bajillion trillion little seeds inside and doing away with them. oh well, its worth it, just to have you in my mouth papaya!! love you sincerely ur number one fan, meliii mel.

you know your poor when...

you get excited over finding 2 real coins in one day in two separate incidents! one i found on the floor of the bus and the other at the little snack store hiding amongst the granola bars! it was soo thrilling and exhilarating, words cannot describe the euphoria! ok so that really evens out to 1 dollar guys, but seriously every little bit counts!! Every penny saved is a penny earned wahoooo!! like that almost covers a ride on the bus! oh boy if i woulda found three, i would have jumped with joy! reminds me of the time i found ten euros on the metro in Madrid, now that was a sight! that equaled out to getting 2 meals, now that was the best day ever! here's to finding many more little coins along the way! :) oh and now that we're talking about coins like where is there a fountain in this city anyways like i need to go dive into a fountain so i can pay for these damn 2.75 bus rides everywhere! seriously im gonna go find me a fountain and get rich!! i never understood where the heck the idea of throwing coins into a fountain came from like who the heck was like lets throw our money away into some gross fountain just for fun?? ughh seriously and the Trevi fountain in Rome everyone does their retarded backwards coin toss, however when i was there i REFUSED to look retarded and join every other billionth of the tourists in that act. maybe thats why i havent been back to Italy omg is that whyyy cuz i didnt throw the coin?????!!!!! um no, whatever im not gonna give into that retarded belief! ok well im outttt. hopefully we all find money on the street and keep ur eyes open folks!!

wakey wakey

there's nothing like having evil brazilian mosquitos munching on you in the early hours of the night to wake you up. awww the joy of brazilian living...NOTTTT ughhh i hate mosquitoes i hate them so much i got like 5 bites on my arm and then i got all paranoid and decided to just stay up and fight a war against them. i killed a few but there are way too many. ugh as long as they're not dengue mosquitoes, im good. Dengue is becoming an epidemic here in Brazil and it just paranoys me so much... like i said when i got here at our orientation when asked what you wanted out of Brazil;;; "i just want to survive". Man oh man, how true that is. Lord Jesus if i get back home safe in one piece, itll be the greatest miracle in my life!

I think I have a problem with throwing things

okay so ever since i can remember ive been shooting things into the trash can instead of getting up and walking over to throw them away. i feel that this action has been legitimated and thus continued based on the fact that im actually really goood and it probably cuz i yell kobe as i launch whatever i throw. but anyways yeah id say 8 out of 10 times i make all my shots where it be water bottles, paper balls, fruit rinds and pieces of cheese. In class the other day I was sitting up towards the top of the class and i decided to throw the remainder of my apple. well i missed by the closest margin folks, really it was a heartbreaker but the damn apple decided to disintegrate almost through impact so my teacher went over to throw it in the trash, i was really embarrassed well not really cuz he's a nice guy who motioned me to stay seated even when i looked as if i was getting up. I tried the same shot another time and I made it, it felt so good!!!! But okay oh haha this makes me remember when i chucked a banana peel in portuguese class and it almost hit our guest lecturer. bahahaha oh that was too good. clelia did get kind of mad at me though. BUT ANYWAYSS SEGWAY MUCHHH??? Ok so yeah part of this throwing condition comes from the mere fact that im too lazy to get up lets be real, okay so tonight i had slices some pieces of cheese and brought them back to the living room. well gosh darnnit i dropped one on the floor and since my leg is kinda not 100% cuz of my burn, I dont like getting up more than i already am forced to, so i decided to throw the big piece of cheese out the big window that was wide open in our living room. So yeah if you see a piece of cheese on the street in Copacabana, it was me. sorry.

WHEN IN DOUBT WEAR PANTS

OKAY guys you know that little voice inside your head that tells you to wear pants?? Okay you always have to listen to it, especially when your going to ride on a motorcycle up a ratchet favela and you dont know how the hell to get on and you freaking get on on the wrong side, where the damn exhaust pipe is burning hot, just waiting for your skin to rub on it. UGHH MY ULTIMATE FEAR CAME TRUEEEE :( i always wore pants when i knew i was going to Vidigal (the favela) and this time well i was out the whole day so i didnt really think about it and well i didnt wanna go all the way back home for pants. BIG MISTAKE. the second i got on my leg touched it and i was like shit thats hot but it took like 3 seconds for me to look at my leg and realize that my skin had been burned off and my raw flesh was all exposed :((( i wanted to cry in that instant but thats when we started going up the hill so its not like i was going to throw a fit right then and there. but i was just saying MEU DEUS :( when i got off i started looking for an aloe vera plant and my survival instinct kicked in and my eagle eyes found a random plant and i ran to it and ripped off a piece and put it on immediately. my friends were like what the heck that isnt your plant but i was like DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CAREE, IM DYING IM PUTTING DISS ON MY LEG YOU HOE GET OUTTA HERE WITH THAT ITS NOT YOURS BUSINESS, I EVEN WENT BACK A SECOND TIME TO GET ANOTHER PIECE. If youre trying to survive the last thing you care about is who owns the plant belongs to! lolz ughhh the day was a fail we went all the way up the hill to my friends place for nothing, the plans fell through, i wasted my time plus i got burned. wooo, well at least i didnt die. (yet) ugh i just want to survive and make it out alive and back to the states.

'MERICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i missss youuu so muccchhh, everythingggg aboutt youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. you dont know what you have till its gone, for real!!!! everytime i seee an american flag i start yelling MERICAAAAAAAAAAAA, ask my friends like on the beach in Ipanema some guy had speedos with the american flag on them and i started saying MERICCCCAAAA MERICCCAAAA LEMME COME BACKK TO YOUUUU, LIKE THE PRODIGAL CHILDDDDDDDDDDDD. And today at the hippie fair there were American flag stockings or whatever and i also started saying MERICAAAAAAA ughhhh i wanna be back in the US for 4th of JULY SOO MUCH SO I CAN PROCLAIM MY LOVE FOR THE BEST PLACE IN THE WORLDDD. MERICCAAAAAA i love youuuuuu so muchhhhh, from SEA TO SHININGG SEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. IVE NEVER FELT SO PATRIOTIC IN MY LIFE TILL I GOT OUT AND BEEN LIVING IN THIS RATCHET ASS PLACE KNOWN AS RIO.